If you were captivated by the Fifty Shades Trilogy, you’re certainly not alone. To help turn those fantasies into reality, we’ve put together a beginners’ guide to BDSM with insights from BDSM Mistress Madame Caramel and Sex Therapist Sarah Berry.
Even though many of us consider ourselves open-minded, we often stick to conventional ideas when it comes to sex, ignoring our deeper desires. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with tradition, it’s worth exploring these urges. Sexual practices have evolved significantly from the 19th century when intimacy was subject to strict norms. Today, many acts once considered taboo, like oral sex, are common. However, those exploring kink and fetishes are now the ones pushing boundaries—suggesting perhaps it’s time to broaden our own horizons.
If you’ve thought about spicing up your sex life with BDSM but don’t know where to begin, Madame Caramel and Sarah Berry are here to guide you. Madame Caramel explains that BDSM can involve different things for different people, covering bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M). Within her own relationship, BDSM plays a crucial role, offering a blend of these elements where she takes the dominant role and her partner the submissive.
Bondage in BDSM is about training and restraining the submissive partner, with some mild forms already common in our everyday experiences, like blindfolding or hand-holding. It can also involve more intricate restraints like Japanese rope bondage or even bondage cages. Discipline focuses on correcting behavior, with punishments such as spanking or erotic humiliation.
In BDSM, there is a clear dynamic of Dominant and submissive, with the Dominant exerting control and the submissive surrendering to it. Sadism and masochism deal with the pleasure derived from giving or receiving pain, differentiating them from the control aspect of dominance and submission. While these elements can coexist, a BDSM relationship doesn’t always require the infliction of pain.
Once you understand the basic components of BDSM, it’s time to decide your role. As Sarah Berry explains, each session can see you taking on different roles, such as Dominant, submissive, or even switching between the two. Discovering what you enjoy often involves some experimentation, as people in dominant roles at work might prefer being submissive in private, or vice versa.
The appeal of BDSM lies in exploring different facets of life, enhancing mental well-being and relationship satisfaction; however, good communication with your partner is key. As Madame Caramel emphasizes, discussing fantasies and desires openly is crucial for a healthy relationship. If words fail you, try a non-verbal approach; perhaps leave a suggestive note or watch a provocative movie together. Sarah suggests small steps, inviting your partner to share their fantasies, and gradually incorporating new experiences.
Entering the world of BDSM doesn’t require extravagant tools or outfits. Everyday items in your home might already lend themselves to experimentation. Having a safe word is essential since your role might involve saying “no” while being fully engaged.
Simple activities like pinning your partner’s wrists, using sex toys, or engaging in role-play are already within reach. You can utilize ordinary household items like a robe tie for restraint or a brush for a playful smack.
Embracing the BDSM aesthetic can also enhance the experience. Adopting slight changes, like wearing latex or leather, can help you feel more connected to your role. Incorporating items like handcuffs, paddles, or whips can add a new level of excitement to your sessions.
BDSM invites you to step outside the usual boundaries, explore your fantasies safely, and have fun. Both Madame Caramel and Sarah Berry, an accredited Sex & Relationship Therapist, stress the importance of mutual interest, communication, and enthusiasm in exploring BDSM dynamics. You’re now equipped to explore BDSM and enrich your intimate life with these insights.